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Realities of a mum with self doubt..

"Don't let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game"

Name that film..

Of course, it's a classic throwback to A Cinderella Story, but this quote really resonates with me on my journey both in my business and as a mum at the moment. Some days just wanting to throw in the towel, to stop the tears and for someone just to take away the intrusive thoughts that eat me up. But then I remember that tiny human that needs me and also the other tiny humans and their wonderful mums that need some where to go when they're having a tough day.

It's incredibly easy to sugar coat things on social media, I mean, realistically, people aren't going to post when they're crying, when they've forgotten their antidepressant or even if they just can't face the day. I guess it's because of judgement perhaps, but all of these things still feel like a taboo, so in case you need to hear it right now, it's okay to cry and if you do take an antidepressant have you remembered it today because I haven't (face palm) I also think people avoid it because they think its a cry for help, which for some it might be, but for others, they just might not want to feel alone.

I feel like I'm on an unhealthy path of proving people wrong currently, when I first started going self employed, I had people really doubt my choices. From a young age, I've grown up with the mindset of working incredibly hard, you get out what you put in. I started working from 14 when my mum got me a little Job for the caterers at the local race course and as soon as I was earning my own money, I wanted to earn more, so school sadly took a back seat and I left after my first year of sixth form, but that mindset has stuck, I will always be hard working, but why do I feel guilty for that now that I'm a mum?

The reality is that I actually often get more negative than positive comments, and never about my classes, just about me (I'm not sure what's worse currently) especially around doing to much, or slowing down, even that it's not fair on Izzy. But what people don't realise I guess is how damaging it can be, I know it might just be coming from a good place and yes, I'm very sensitive but I often feel like people are quick to be negative and never to be positive, being a hard worker is just who I am, it's part of me, I thrive to do more and always to be better, and when I'm really passionate about something, I want it to be successful, because I want to go on holiday or do nice things, why is that bad? If you're reading this as a parent that's gone back to work, or even if you're a stay at home parent ( I really bloody salute you) you might be able to relate, but there are people that work more hours in a day than me and still have a family that feels loved and supported.

Having a week off teaching has opened my eyes to maybe just how much work on me I have left to do, and I love a challenge, I am currently my biggest challenge. Don't get me wrong, right now, I would much rather do 1000 burpees than face the upcoming mountain, but small steps and it won't seem so far, I won't let my intrusive thoughts win and when I'm a millionaire (lol) I'll wave bye bye to those that thought I couldn't do this.

Always dream big, manifest and nothing will be impossible

Pip x

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